John Krissilas Writer: Thursdays Children

Showing posts with label Thursdays Children. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Thursday's Children: Data

Welcome to the Thursday's Children Blog Hop, where you can share your sources of inspiration during your writing journey. Make sure to check out the other bloggers via the Linky List at the bottom of this post, and if you want to join in, just sign up and go!

Inspired by data.

Source

I have a brand new toy...

It's called the UP health band by Jawbone, and it basically helps me track how active I am during the day and how much I sleep during the night. By syncing the band with an iPhone app, I can see fancy shmancy bar graphs of how long it took for me to go to sleep, how much deep sleep I got, and how many times I woke up during the night.

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In other words, data.

So what, you say? Well, data is knowledge, and knowledge is power. If I can learn the factors that lead to those good nights — when I get lots of deep sleep — I can try to replicate that every night, changing my habits slightly as I get better and better sleep.

In other words, quantifying my sleep produces data, data produces knowledge, and that knowledge leads to better sleep.

Will the same thing work for writing? I dunno. But I'm willing to try it out. I'll measure how much I produce during my writing sessions, track that every day, and use that data to determine how to write better, faster. Hey... it's worth a try.

Have you ever used data to improve your productivity?

Don't forget to check out the Blog Hop, and join in, too!

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Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Thursday's Children: Conundrums

Robert Langdon, um... thinking

Do you like solving conundrums?

I do. At least I did. Now... I love them.

Last week, I had to do a "team building" activity with a few of my work-mates. But this wasn't your average fall-backwards-and-trust-that-someone-will-catch-you exercise. It was a Conundrum Adventure!

My teammates getting their first look at the clues

Imagine a cross between The Amazing Race and the Da Vinci Code. Our team of five was pitted against three others in a race through the city. Our goal? Rush to a famous location in downtown Toronto, find the piece of art or architecture hinted at in the clue, and use it to decipher a riddle in order to earn points. The team with the most points wins.

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One example: hunting down the Academy Awards displayed in the lobby of the TIFF Bell Lightbox to figure out the "national dish" referred to in one of the clues. When we arrived at the display, we found one of the Oscars was awarded to Canadian screenwriter Paul Haggis... and the national dish was of course, haggis. Score!

Pausing from the code-breaking madness for a photo op!

Taking part in this adventure reminded me how much I love conundrums.

I use lots of them in my stories: mysterious characters, mystical objects that are more than meets the eye, clues peppered throughout the narrative that only the sharpest of minds could spot... and decipher. Sometimes I over-conundrum my work, and have to dumb it down so that people aren't completely bewildered, lol. But nevertheless, I DO love a good mystery.

Do you ever use conundrums in your stories?

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Thursday, May 30, 2013

Thursday's Children: Growth

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Have you grown as a writer?

It's easy to get caught up in the writing process… drafts, betas, revisions, pitches, contests… it never ends! Our own growth as a writer either isn't important, or isn't on our radar. Is it about getting published… or getting better?

Though I haven't "grown" in the area of getting published, I've definitely grown as a writer. From being able to spot good writing from bad in the books I read to recognizing my own strengths and weaknesses, I've learned a ton!

Looking back, realizing how much I've grown and how far I've come — that's inspiring.

Have you grown as a writer?

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Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Thursday's Children: Breaks

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We need a break!!!

No… not in a relationship kind of way. Well, kinda.

Taking a break from writing was tough at first. I felt guilty, ashamed, and mad for not making progress on something… anything! But sometimes other stuff gets in the way. Work. Life. Vacation.

After a month and a half of being on a break, though, I've realized that breaks can be a good thing.

They give you some distance from your baby, so that elements that were once immune to editing suddenly don't seem so precious. They let you form a fresh perspective, a new way to look at your MC, story, or structure. Lastly… they allow you to have some fun! You can do something else for a while — traveling, spending time with people, exploring — so that you can come back to your project happy and full of energy.

So next time you need some inspiration for your writing… try not writing for a while.

Take a break!

How do you spend your breaks from writing?

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Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Thursday's Children: RAWR!

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One of the hardest things all writers must do is build tension. How do you create that anticipation, that unease, that gripping feeling that will keep your readers on the edge of their seats?

Whenever I need some inspiration, I think of T-rex.

And by T-rex, I mean THE T-rex scene — the big, tension-filled reveal of the Tyrannosaurus in the first Jurassic Park. My favourite movie when I was a kid (*cough* still is *cough*), I recently got to see the re-release on the big screen... in IMAX 3D. Even though I'm now 20 years older than the first time I saw Jurassic Park, the T-rex scene still gave me goosebumps.

See if you can spot all of the tension-building devices in this scene:

Dark and stormy night

Impact tremors... BOOM! BOOM!

Bad guesses: "Maybe it's the power trying to come back on?"

Uncertainty: "What is that?"

Missing goat...

Heavy breathing, eyes growing wide

Gnawed-off goat leg!

Jaw drops

T-rex claw

Menacing growl...

Hungry stare!

Blood

A very scared man, "Oh Jesus!"

Thunder

Fence is torn apart, rung by rung

A call for help: "Dr. Grant?"

RAWR!!

What kind of devices do you use to build tension in your stories?

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Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Thursday's Children: Short Stories

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Ever try writing a short story?

How about two? How about fifteen?

I loved writing short stories long before I loved writing full-length novels. There's something freeing about not having to worry about markets and genres and multiple-book story arcs... something freeing about just being able to write.

Lots of things inspire me about the process of writing a short story:

(1) Because they're shorter, you can write more of them. Imagine being in a constant cycle of concept development, planning, writing, and editing. You can brainstorm an idea one day, then write and edit it the next. No nugget is too small to be the star of tomorrow's story.

(2) You can experiment. Ever written a story from the POV of a dog? Of a carpet? Of three characters? Of twenty? Ever told a story backwards? Via text message? With a narrator who knows more than they reveal on the page? Why not flex your literary muscle and challenge yourself by experimenting with your writing.

(3) It's more challenging. Imagine taking all of the elements that make a 90,000-word novel engaging, and accomplishing the same thing in only 3,000 words. With short stories, you have to start faster, write your characters stronger, and make every word, sentence, and paragraph count. It's storytelling stripped down to its essentials.

The next time you find yourself stuck... try taking a break from novel-writing and challenge yourself to write a few short stories. You'll feel the thrill of creation, discover a new style or voice, and invigorate yourself with the challenge that comes with limitations.

Go for it!

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Monday, April 1, 2013

Thursday's Children: Drawing Stuff

Drawing was my first love.

Yup, you read that right. Before I began to focus on writing, I used to LOVE drawing comics. It started in Junior High / High School. Whenever I was too bored to pay attention in math class, I'd start doodling a character or two. If I really got a chuckle out of one, I'd draw them into a series.

Here's one from a series called "Life as a Sperm". If it made you snicker, click here for more.

Now that I spend most of my time writing, I've started to miss drawing stuff. I thought to myself, why not take a "break" from writing by drawing something? How about a scene from something I've written? How would certain passages look, in "comic" form?

Unlike my doodles of the past, however, drawing comics is now a bit more high-tech. Here's a scene I drew called "Neas VS Ren", from 151.

First, I sketched it out on paper (sketchpad paper to be exact). This was mainly to map out how I might lay out the panels and what might happen in each of them. It also helps with planning the angles and positions for the characters. As it turns out, this sketch was very close to the finished comic.

Next, I recreated the hand drawn sketch digitally, using a graphics tablet and Photoshop. The tablet I use is called Bamboo by Wacom, and was about $100. Best $100 I ever spent! It sure as hell beats drawing with a mouse. By drawing digitally, you can erase mistakes quickly and experiment a bit more with your work.

Drawing something as detailed as a comic involves LOTS of Photoshop layers. There is basically a layer for each individual element in this scene — panels, characters, thought bubbles, colouring, the background. Everything can be drawn and refined individually, without affecting other elements. I LOVE using layers... although it's a slow process, it allows for lots of detail without worrying about messing things up.

The final step is to paint in all the colours and backgrounds (which can't be done the old way, with paper). Ta da! It's finished. Let me know what you think!

Have you ever tried drawing a scene from your story?

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Here's the code for the Linky to put on your own post.


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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Thursday's Children: Plagiarism

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SO! I had a shocking realization last week. The kind that feels like poison's boiling in your stomach. The kind that slaps you not once, not twice, but thrice.

I've plagiarized my own work! I'm a thief. A scoundrel. Shame on me… right?

Maybe.

Basically, I've been re-writing (sharpening and tightening) the short stories in In-Futura that haven't been published yet (eight in total). As I revisited the characters, concepts, and even dialogue in these stories, I realized the horrible truth...

A lot of what's in 151 (my first novel) was lifted from that short story collection. Subconsciously. Unintentionally!

Case in fact:

The yellow body suit and visor that a character called Mitzi wears actually first appeared in "The Perfect Sale" as the outfit of choice for the Yellow Guild.

The C-3PO-esque character of Vergil is actually a rip-off of Cedric, the faithful robo-servant in "The Last Machine" (so that would be a rip-off of a rip-off… but who's counting?)

The main bad guys, the Chieftain and the Head Mistress, are basically copies of the parents in "The Children of Mulberry Lane" — including the way they run their household and their boisterous dialogue.

Yikes.

So, I ask you, is this bad? Am I embarrassingly unoriginal?

Personally, I don't think so. I've always had a hard time blocking out previous ideas and characters. Plus, all my stuff is sci-fi/fantasy, so there's always the possibility that an idea from one story will sneak into another.

I'm happy about it. Proud of it even. It means I really did have heart for those ideas in the first place. AND it means that those ideas believed in themselves so much that they decided to re-launch themselves in a different form. Good on them!

Have you ever re-used ideas from your previous work, consciously or sub-consciously?

PLUS... there's still time to enter for your chance to win a copy of The Carnelian Legacy!

Go for it!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Don't forget to check out the Blog Hop, and join in, too!

Here's the code for the Linky to put on your own post.


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Monday, March 18, 2013

Thursday's Children: A Fish Out of Water + The Carnelian Legacy Book Giveaway!

The strange parallel universe of Carnelia, from The Carnelian Legacy by Cheryl Koevoet

Have you ever felt like a "fish out of water"?

You know... that feeling you get when you're in a strange new world - full of different people, different traditions, and a different way of life. Sometimes you've had time to prepare. Other times, lightning strikes and you're dropped right in.

It's shocking. Exhilarating. And yeah, even pretty scary too.

Madaba, Jordan

My fish-out-of-water experience was in the Middle East, in a tiny town in the middle of the Jordanian desert. Talk about culture shock! From the blazing sun to the steaming-hot, bottomless cups of tea, to the "Yallahs!" and "Shukrans!" and "Imshees!". The experience shocked me at first. But it was an adventure that ultimately made me a better person.

Cheryl Koevoet, GUTGAA alumna and author of the brand-spanking new book "The Carnelian Legacy", is a REAL fish out of water. Better known as the Oregon Girl Abroad, she's a suburban, Portland-born mom who was whisked overseas to the Netherlands. Her adventures as a proud ex-pat no doubt inspired the challenges faced by the main character in her story, Marisa MacCallum.

Here's Cheryl's fish-out-of-water experience:

Twenty years ago, I was the Marisa MacCallum in my own story. I may not have traveled to another dimension, but by starting my life over as an expat when I moved to Europe and more specifically, The Netherlands, it felt like I had landed in another world.

When I first came to Holland, I didn't speak a word of Dutch and everything from the country's food to the customs was completely foreign to me. Wandering through the centuries-old buildings and castles scattered about the Lowlands, I felt an amazing sense of history embedded in each of the stone walls and I wished so badly that they could talk!

I saw the modern version of an ancient world through the eyes of an average American teenager and it blew me away. I was in awe of the fact that I was walking in the footsteps of Johannes Vermeer in Delft or of Rembrandt in his hometown of Leiden. I once slept in a 700-year-old hotel and the mere thought of all the generations of people who had slept there before me fascinated me.

De Drie Molens, Leidschendam, Netherlands

It was this sense of being a unique part of history in an ancient world that inspired me to write the book. The clash of cultures is something that I am all too familiar with and it was this theme that serves as the main plotline in The Carnelian Legacy. The idea of a young woman from the twenty-first century trying to understand life in a world without cell phones, TV's, and internet was intriguing to me and I decided to write about it.

Although we have all of these modern conveniences today in The Netherlands, it still strikes me as funny when I see a young woman of Marisa's age enjoying her frappucino and scrolling through her smartphone as she sits in a Starbucks where Dutch painters of the Golden Age once enjoyed their ale more than four centuries ago.

The Carnelian Legacy on Amazon.com

Now on to The Carnelian Legacy:

Imagine this: you're an 18-year-old dreamer who's suddenly brought down to earth when your father dies. Before you can say "Excalibur", a freak lightning storm transports you to the parallel universe of Carnelia, a medieval land bursting with knights, monsters, and (my personal favourite) war. Of course, the knights in question find you particularly intriguing, and you're suddenly caught in a love triangle that will decide both the fate of Carnelia... and whether you can return home.

Whew!

If that sounds like an amazing fish-out-of-water experience to you, make sure you enter the Rafflecopter giveaway below for a chance to win a FREE softcover OR e-book copy of The Carnelian Legacy.

Just enter your email address or login with Facebook for 3 entries. Gain 3 additional entries by following Cheryl on Twitter and Facebook, and tweeting about the giveaway.

The giveaway closes at midnight on Friday, March 29. Yallah!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

For more on the book, visit TheCarnelianLegacy.com and check out the smoking trailer below!

Don't forget to check out the Blog Hop, and join in, too!

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Sunday, March 10, 2013

Thursday's Children: A Stranger in a Strange World — Part II

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So you've got a stranger in your world, interacting with your main character. Do they influence that world just by being there? Do they change things? Like really muck stuff up?

In Part I of our favourite inter-dimensional reporter's visit to Ilium, things seem to be going okay. With Vergil's help, she seems to have brought Neas out of his shell — even coaxed a few actual answers out of him for her interview. Smooth, yeah? In and out, right?

Not so fast.

When a stranger visits your world, it's a two way street. Their guide influences them, but they influence their guide too. They plant ideas, stir up memories, and maybe even impact where the story goes from there.

They are mucking with the laws of space, time, and fiction, after all.

Rule number one: tread carefully!

THE "INNERVIEW" — PART II

“Goose-it! Get behind that column, pronto!”

I jump! I just catch the buzz—like bees, wind, and my computer fan mixed together—before lights with riders roar by my hiding spot. Neas has disappeared in the fog.

He’s back before I can see where he hid. “Yikes,” he says. “You still itchin’? Perfect. See those two bogeys? The ones whizzin’ down the road? Those markin’s mean they work for that gooser I was tellin’ you ‘bout earlier. Gore. Yeah. And you hear that whizzin’ when they flew by? Soundin’ kinda like Vergil?”

“Like me, Sir?”

“Yeah… that’s my favorite sound. The whizzin’ a hoverboard makes when it boosts across the road. Always wanted to try ridin’ one… yet another thing Mentor won’t let me try. But they’re hard as heck to find, you know? And bikes ain’t the same, no matter what Acamas says. I can see it now… wind blowin’ through my hair, boosters flyin’ me higher and higher, then… BAM! All of Ilium right in front of me. The stars and the spires and everythin’ in-between. Yeah…”

“That sounds pretty cool,” I smile. I can see it—shoot, I have seen it. But I won’t spoil the surprise for him. Aeneas, Ilium's future unwilling savior, doesn’t need pro-tips from a—uh—‘porter’ like me. “Yeah, that sounds really cool. Kind of brings me to my next question—what's your dream?”

“Hmm… my… my dream?”

“Like, what do you want most from your life?”

“Oh! Okay, okay. Sorry, pal. Thought you were gettin’ all personal again, dang it.”

I mean, I was, but he has a different idea of personal, I guess. He goes on.

“Don’t tell Mentor this, but I’ve always dreamed of… of seein’ the world. The world outside the Wall, you get me? The mountains… the forests… the deserts… even the, um… the coats!”

“I believe you mean ‘coasts’, Sir.”

“Goose-it, Vergil! But, um, yeah. The coasts. The water, you know? Always wanted to try swimmin’. Feelin’ the cool water on my skin. With the sun all beamin’ down, kinda like Vergil’s spotlight… but… but bigger… and brighter! Yeah. Goin’ swimmin’… very pigeon.”

I love it—his beaming face, the power behind his voice—that’s what I do intergalactic interviews for. It’s totally ‘pigeon.’ But the poor robot looks like it’s getting nervous with all this travel-talk. “We have water too, Sir,” it says. “Right by our home.”

“Vergil… that’s not the same, buddy. Vergil’s talkin’ ‘bout the sewers… that’s where we live, you know. And yeah, sure… we got tons of water. But it ain’t exactly the swimmin’ type. Hey… hey porter… you want me to level with ya?”

Level with me—tell me something, true, right? “Yeah. I'm listening.”

“I kinda. You know. Envy you or somethin’. Bein’ able to travel all over the world. Visitin’ people. Truth is… I’m tired of hidin’ down here. Tired of livin’ in the dark. My dream—you gettin’ this or what?—is to get my own ship… a pirate ship’d be perfect… and get outta this place. Get outta this place for good. And see the world…”

“Sir… you would leave us? Leave our home?”

“Vergil… c’mon!”

Vergil’s spotlight dims. It swivels away from Neas and looks off in the distance. I want to hug it.

“I would miss you, Sir. My circuits are not meant for processing such…”

“Stop itchin’ buddy! You’d be comin’ too of course! We’d all go. Me and you and the boys. We’d get outta this place and travel the world in our own pirate ship. Yeah. That’s my dream.”

“That's an awesome dream,” I grin. “Hey, last question.” I pause this one to watch his face straight-on. “What's your biggest fear?”

Neas bites his lip.

It’s not a fair question to ask a stranger. It’s a worse question to ask a stranger when you’ve read his life story before he’s lived it. I open my mouth—

“Hey, no one’s gonna know—and—” But you can’t talk that kind of thing out of a person. I stop walking for a second, lean against a nearby column, and just wait with a soft smile. Next move’s his.

Neas swallows hard.

“Well, porter. With all those goosers I was goin’ on ‘bout before… Gore, the spooks, jukes, and even those bogeys in the towers… might think I got a lot to be afraid of. But… truth is… I really just don’t wanna be alone, you get me? Mentor, Acamas, Byron and the others… I may make fun of’em and everythin’, but…those guys’re like my brothers, you know? Like family. Only family I’ve ever had. Don’t know what I’d do without’em.”

“…you do have me, Sir. I will never leave you.”

“I know, buddy. I know.”

I glance away at my feet. It’s strange, bringing fears and dreams to the light, and then standing over them as they hit you, full-blast, with all their scents and graspings and feelings. It’s worse that I already know his fears will come true. I croak: “Hey, thanks for sharing. You’re a good interviewee.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

He’s shrugged and sealed it all off again—he doesn’t ‘give a goose.’ But I’m feeling queasy—and it’s not because of the scent, a bit like blood and old burger, that’s rising from the narrow alleyway we’re squeezing into. I’m hearing screams, laughs, the clinking of glasses and raucous music from the gaudy building on the right.

“Well. There it is.”

We’re in the back alley behind Gore’s pub, about two yards away from the dumpster—

From the dumpster where Neas gets caught. And beaten. And today is his—

Shoot.

I know this scene. My eyes widen—I’m trying to open my mouth to warn him. We’re literally minutes away from the beginning of his story—

Dangit! His family!

“Go home, right now!” I cry. “Go home, save your family!”

But the words I hear, in my voice, are, “Oh, shoot, I gotta get home. I’ve got a family interview in ten minutes.” No I don’t!

“Sure you don’t wanna stay for dinner?" Neas asks. "Heard that melonhead’s plannin’ a big performance tonight… gonna be tons of food left for us to…”

“No, you need to get out of here right now!” becomes “No, I gotta jet right now.” Jet? Whodahell says that?

“Oh. Um… yeah, okay. Stay, don’t stay… don’t really give a goose. Just more for me anyways.”

I’m stomping, cursing. I’m trying to make signs or something to warn him. But I see my reflection in a murky puddle of I-don’t-wanna-know besides us, and in that reflection I’ve got a reassuring, apologetic smile, and I’m waving as I step away. It’s a rule about interdimensional interviews: I can’t change the story. It’s a rule I’ve never tried to break before, but this poor kid, on his birthday—! My gut’s twisting; I’d have clenched teeth and hot, frustrated tears if the forces of this reality would let me.

I’m almost out of the alleyway—I stop, shoulders sagging, when he calls to me.

“Hey porter? You, um… you won’t forget ‘bout me or anythin’, will ya? You know… when you’re out there, portin’ in some other gooser’s city?”

“No. You’re a pretty unforgettable character,” I sigh. He can’t see the sad smile. “Hey, Neas?”

“Yeah?”

“Happy—happy birthday.”

He grins that smirky, friendly grin. The last I’m going to see of him as the rules take me around the corner and leave him to his fate.

“Well, c’mon buddy! Let’s goose-it while we still can. I’m hungry!”

His voice fades, and I’m gone as his story begins.

THE END!

Lastly, an inter-dimensional message from your favourite inter-dimensional reporter, Petre Pan:

I'd love to help your book get more 'chatter' around the internet by interviewing one of your characters. E-mail me - petrepan(at)gmail(dot)com - with the "place" your character wants to meet me, and I'll send you a few questions to answer in your character's voice. This fun collaboration gives you writing practice, and hopefully generates you a little extra readership. For unpublished authors, this is also a great way to deepen your character!

Don't forget to check out the Blog Hop, and join in, too!

Here's the code for the Linky to put on your own post.


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Sunday, March 3, 2013

Thursday's Children: A Stranger in a Strange World — Part I

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What would it be like to invite a stranger into your world? To see the sights, meet the locals, and *gasp* report on their findings? What if their host and their guide was your main character?

All of these questions rattled around inside my head while I waited for that inter-dimensional reporter I mentioned earlier to arrive for her interview prep. I stared at her invitation, bit my lip, and mulled it over, word by word:

Hi! I'm Petre Pan, an alternate-universe "twin" of the famous boy who never grows up. One of the fringe benefits of eternal girl-hood is travelling across the multiverse asking cool people cool questions.

Hmmm. What kind of questions? Should I really send her to the Underground of Ilium? How would she deal with the cold? What would she think of Neas? Wait... what would Neas think of her?

More questions.

A voice inside me said, Just do it. Heck, maybe it'll even be inspiring, inviting this stranger into my world, to meet, and maybe even become friends with, Neas. How cool would it be to read about her experiences, in her own words? And to see how Neas would react to his... err, guest? It might even help me, the author, see things in a different light.

From a stranger's point of view.

Enjoy!

THE "INNERVIEW" — PART I

I think I'm on time; at any rate, I think it's illegal for me to be late. Laws of fiction, space, and time, and all that. Not that law matters much where I am now. The Underground of Ilium, full of scaled gangsters, lost urchins, and flat, corrupt policemen--it's where rejects from the Colonies live.

I'm here for one reject in particular, and I find him leaning against a column by the side of the littered, winding street. He sees me and dashes behind the column; I smile a bit and wait, shivering in the dark, rancid mist. Ships whir overhead, but I pretend not to notice them--probably couldn't see them anyway in this smog if I tried. I'd no idea it'd be this bad.

My host peeks out at me with steel-grey eyes. Clumps of dust pepper his curls, and I can just see the edge of a blue tunic that looks like it's seen better days.

A centipede scuttles out of a crack by my foot. I step away--the kid snickers. At last he inches out from behind the column, cracks a smile, and strolls over to me.

"Hey! You, um… you the... porter?" he says. "Like… from outside of Ilium or somethin'? That your deal? Hmm. Never seen no one dressed like that before. Guess you're legit. Name's Neas. Neas of the Lost Boys. Nice to… you know… meet ya."

I nod, and he invites me to sit next to him on the curb. Awkward silence falls, and it's entirely my fault--but it's hard to prepare for a cross-dimensional interview. He prods a bundle of wires with his boot. He seems antsy, nervous, even, and I want to say something, but I'm suddenly wondering if I'll sound funny to him. Porter? I--well, I--

A little light in the background saves me from saying something stupid. A compact cylinder rises from behind some unrecognizable junk and flicks a spotlight at Neas. "Sir…" it says.

"Cool it, Vergil! I told you to stay hidden, buddy!"

"My apologies, Sir, but…"

"Don't scare me like that. What's so itchin'?"

"I believe she has a question for you, Sir," Vergil says. Thank-you, well-informed Ilium drone, I'm thinking. I need myself one of these: it remembered the questions I sent ahead of time.

"Hmm?" Neas asks.

"About your preferred form of… sustenance, Sir."

"Sustance? What're you goin' on 'bout? Oh… you mean food!"

"Indeed, Sir."

"Hmm. Hey porter. You, um… don't know much 'bout the Underground, do you? We ain't got much 'food' down here… 'least not the kind you'd be used to, you get me? You're lookin' like you'd be better off in a Colony. Yep. Hear they got big farms… with every kinda food you can imagine! Even got these bogeys called cooks… all they do is make food! Um… not that I give a goose or anythin'…"

Which of course, makes me think maybe he does 'give a goose,' at least enough to feel jealous of the Colonists, but Vergil interrupts him again. "Sir..."

"Vergil…"

"Her question, Sir."

"Oh yeah. Well, down here, there ain't exactly table service. Me and the Lost Boys — you heard of us, right? Right?"

"Of course." I have. It's a bit tragic, but I don't tell him that.

"Well, we usually end up choosin' between the green thing, the rotten thing, or the thing that's kinda… still alive, you get me? Can't say I've gotten the hang of it myself. Say… you wanna try some?"

"Sir… I do not believe that is an optimal decision."

"Goose-it, Vergil! Hold your beef! Where was I?"

Vergil's got me cracking up inside. I'm not gonna argue with him--that's not professional--but I gotta admit Neas has me gastronomically curious. Green thing?

But Neas comes up with something else. "Oh yeah…Speakin' of beef, it's not all bad down here, you know," he says. "There're some places… kinda like clubs… deep in the Underground, where they got the good stuff. Steak… taters… even beer! Um, not that I've ever tried it, of course. You can even watch the goosers on stage while you're at it. Called performers or somethin'. My favorite's the sword swallower! Guy's got…"

"Sir, it seems you have forgotten about…"

"Oh yeah. Well, they ain't exactly welcomin' places, you get me? They're run by mobsters, you know. This one bogey… think his name's Gore or somethin'… he's a real piece of work. Got a head like a melon, eyes like grapes, and the nastiest scar this side of the Wall. Bogey'll never catch me, though. I'm kinda like a… a thief, you know? Anyways, you can actually find the best stuff on the surface… above the club. In the dumpsters, you get me? Hey… hey Vergil?"

"How may I be of service?"

"Remind me to stop by Gore's on the way home, yeah?" A little alarm rings in my head; I silence it.

"It would be my pleasure, Sir."

"Yeah, so... How long's this innerview gonna take? I'm hungry!"

"Eh, half an hour, an hour, however short you want," I shrug. I love Neas' attitude, and I'm tickled he's this willing to talk to a stranger like me--with all his chatter already, I almost wonder if he isn't a bit lonely. I continue, "But I don't like interviewing on an empty stomach--so I'll follow you to the dumpster, if you don't mind, and we can talk and eat. Is that--doable?"

"Hmm… you sure 'bout that, porter?" He smirks. I pause. Suddenly I doubt we'll be in a position to chat while stealing out of the dumpster.

"You know," I say. "We could just talk on the way, do the dumpster thing, and then talk after if we get a chance. I got a few questions--just while we walk or however we're getting there."

He shrugs. "Um, yeah. Guess we can walk…" He stands, and I follow him, brushing some kind of gunk off my khakis.

"Just be ready to bolt," he says. "Jukes own this road, you know. The last thing you want is to get caught by those bogeys, you get me? Hear they got a taste for porters..."

"Sir, I do not believe it is appropriate for you to--"

"Cool it, Vergil! I'm innerviewin'!"

"Indeed, Sir."

"Okay, okay. I'm ready."

Right, interview. I smile, and start off easy. "'Kay. First, tell me how old you are."

"Hmm… gettin' kinda personal, ain't you, porter?"

Shoot. I don't think so, although--I hope I didn't break any of this world's social taboos by asking age. But he continues.

"Okay, well… I kinda just turned seventeen. Not too long ago, you know."

"Just yesterday, Sir."

"Um, yeah. What Vergil said. Mentor tells me it's supposed to be a special day or somethin'… you know, turnin' seventeen. Don't know what that old goose's goin' on 'bout, but he and the other Lost Boys're plannin' somethin'. Told me to goose-it for a few days while they do their preparin'. Get some fresh air, you get me? So yeah. Don't know what they're plannin'… or why things're any different now. Hey, um… you ain't gonna tell anyone 'bout this innerview, are ya? They'll kill me if they found out I was talkin' to you…"

"I believe she is planning to publish it, Sir."

"Dang it. It never ends…"

Kill him? Hold up! I hope he means that figuratively, but in Ilium you never know--I throw up my hands to interrupt. "Whoa, whoa, back up, no one in Ilium can see this thing. I'm publishing it so far away you'd never read it even if you travelled for a thousand years."

Neas raises an eyebrow, but he doesn't protest, so I go on: "Next question--what's the funnest thing that's ever happened to you? Or you can tell me the worst, instead, if you like."

"Funnest? Hmm. Okay… once, Acamas took me to a slider match. You got slider where you come from, porter? Well, it's the most pigeon you'll ever have in one place, you get me? Got this fireball that bolts 'round an oval like nothin' else. And one gooser on each side, tryin' to, you know, juice it. So everyone's screamin' and Acamas is yellin' at the bookie, tryin' to place his bet, when the slider smokes through the wall and juices some gooser in the front row. And I'm like: 'Woah!' Then we hear sirens, which means the spooks're 'bout to come flyin' in to bust everyone, and so Acamas and me get the heck outta there!"

"You have never told me about this story, Sir."

"Um… yeah. Keep this between us, okay buddy? So anyways, Acamas stops me just before we head home, and tells me to tell Mentor that we were tradin' or somethin'. The old man doesn't want me near slider, you get me? But one day, I'm gonna play. Just me, the slider, and all those bogeys cheerin' for me…"

"I do not like the sound of this, Sir."

"Whatever, Vergil…"

They stop talking as he kicks a rock in his path. I jump in: "Then I'd like to know your favorite sound."

But Neas shoves me and jumps to the side. "Goose-it! Get behind that column, pronto!"

TO BE CONTINUED!

And finally, an inter-dimensional message from your favourite inter-dimensional reporter, Petre Pan:

I'd love to help your book get more 'chatter' around the internet by interviewing one of your characters. E-mail me - petrepan(at)gmail(dot)com - with the "place" your character wants to meet me, and I'll send you a few questions to answer in your character's voice. This fun collaboration gives you writing practice, and hopefully generates you a little extra readership. For unpublished authors, this is also a great way to deepen your character!

Don't forget to check out the Blog Hop, and join in, too!

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